If you were to base your understanding of sexual desire based only on your readings of traditional fantasy novels you could hardly be blamed for assuming men got to make all the decisions about it. Women had sex for one of three reasons:
- Their favored male was running off to war and thus had to be serviced before possibly dying
- They were whores
- It was their duty as wives
Traditionally, women didn’t have sex because they enjoyed it and wanted to do it, it was because some male in their life wanted it or because they had to in order to survive. Now, I can hear all sorts of sad puppies pointing out that this is simply how it was ‘back in the day’, their novels are just reflecting history. Leaving aside the historical accuracy of magic, dragons, trolls, and elves for a now, let’s just take a peak at some real live history, shall we?
Julie D’Aubigny was a 17th century French opera singer who once took holy vows to enter a convent; just so she could have sex with a nun. Let that sink in for a minute. She regularly seduced women at parties, whether they were married or not, which led to many a duel to the death as husbands attempted to defend their honor. So far as we know, she killed ten men this way. In one awesome story she kissed a young woman at a ball where three noblemen took offence. They challenged her to a duel, three against one, and she beat every last one of them.
Most folks have heard of the Guggenheim museums, but perhaps less well known is that the patron of these museums, Peggy Guggenheim had a healthy sexual appetite. When asked how many husbands she’d have over her life she answered “Do you mean mine, or other people’s?”. It’s impossible to know, of course, how many lovers even someone as famous as Peggy has had, but biographies put that number as high as 1,000.
Nninga of Ndongo and Matamba was furious when she realized her brother had caved to the Portuguese invaders, thus condemning their people to slavery. Rather than submitting to him she had him killed, took over his position, and using guerrilla tactics was able to hold the Portuguese off for 40 years. She also had a giant harem of men she kept around to keep her other appetites well sated. She tended to make them dress as women and purportedly would have them fight to the death for the honor of servicing her. Side note: After a night of bliss with her she’d often have the winner killed as well.
And that brings us to Violet Gordon-Woodhouse a renowned English harpsichordist who apparently lived quite happily in a menage-a-cinq of four men plus herself.
“Everything is about sex except sex: Sex is about power.” ~ Oscar Wilde
Believe the mythology of non-powerful women throughout history if you choose. But know it is, in fact, a myth.
Things have not changed much in the current era either. 66% of American women have had a one night stand, 37% have experimented with anal, 65% of US women own at least one sex toy, and 20% have had at least one sexual encounter with other women. Between you and me, given the social conservatism in this country, I’m pretty sure these numbers are all dramatically understated.
The reality is that woman have always had a libido equal to that of men. And in fact, some researchers are suggesting it’s quite a bit healthier.
“…one of our most comforting assumptions, soothing perhaps above all to men but clung to by both sexes, that female eros is much better made for monogamy than the male libido, is scarcely more than a fairy tale.” ~ Daniel Bergner
Research suggests that women are just as inclined toward promiscuity as men. Low levels of sex drive among humans seems to be correlated with the number of years they’ve been in a monogamous relationship, but this plummets more quickly for women than it does men. Low sex drive is not inevitable for women, it s the specific result of long-term monogamy. – ouch! It turns out that even the hormonal decrease of menopause can be entirely overridden by the appearance of a new sexual partner. Ahem.
So why, then, are the only overtly sexual female characters in fantasy evil or a temptation the hero must resist or overcome? Why don’t the ladies get a night before battle tryst? And why does it seem like sex magic is always associated with dark magic or dark entities like succubi?
Think, for a moment, what a small shift in this habit of thinking might mean for your fiction, for the worlds you build, and for the conflicts that drive your story.
What If…
Jousting competitions were less about entertainment and more about selecting the strongest seed for the next heir to inherit the throne? Each royal offspring may be the result of a coupling between different partners… what might that culture look like? What sort of politics might this drive, and how might the social structure change if this were true?
What If…
If a queens duty is to ensure royal succession for the sake of the kingdom, why the hell would she bear the seed of a mad or feeble (as she sees it) king? Such a thing would in no way contribute to the health and well being of the kingdom, such a thing could in fact weaken it. If she took her role seriously, if she loved her people, wouldn’t she eek out a stronger seed for the next generation of kings? What would the implications of this be in a patriarchal society as is so (uh!) overwhelmingly common in the genre? What if it were a matrilineal culture, or followed some other structure altogether?
What about a royal bastard born by the queen from a tryst with a commoner (gender flop of SO MUCH FANTASY), a closely held secret until the moment destiny brought it to light? Or what of a sexually frustrated queen that flouted the confines of marriage by screwing everyone in the kingdom while the king was off fighting endless wars? Or maybe a queen that simply preferred the company of women, or insisted on a harem of her own? Or what of a queen that didn’t want to marry, didn’t want to bear children, and prevented or terminated every seed that managed to plant itself in her womb? Consider what sort of conflict this could drive into a story.
What If…
Men were entirely responsible for birth control and were the responsible party for any failures that might result. Meaning, they were ENTIRELY responsible for any unintended offspring.
What If…
Humans underwent a natural sex change every three years?
What If…
Heterosexuality was not required for reproduction?
Or only homosexual males could breed?
These are not idle thought experiments. These questions shape the world we are creating from top to bottom. Remember the quote we started with… the way your society thinks about and practices sex is a direct reflection of the power structure in that society. An example I stumbled upon that humorously made this point is what would happen in the world if our attitudes about sex and food were reversed. Would we have drive-through sex shops and dinner alone in our bedrooms? Would pornography just be movies of people eating together? Would parents require their kids to get home in time for the family orgy? Ok, that’s uncomfortable and weird, but you get my point. Do we then have groups advocating for abstaining from eating altogether, or from eating in public?
Look, sex and romance may not even show up in the pages of your novels. Regardless of whether it does or does not, it is something that should be considered in your world building because it has such a profound impact on the rest of the world that you are building. It even impacts the words you choose, the nature of relationships (romantic or otherwise) you create. It infiltrates every fiber of story, and if you choose not to address it you choose to leave a powerful world-shaping force on the table.
Don’t do that.
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