Desiderium – Monsters, The First, CH1

My #WedPeeks post for this week is chapter 1 of my new novella, scheduled for release this coming October. Desiderium is a dark fantasy/horror and is for mature readers. There is violence, sex, and a lot of profanity in these pages – you have been warned!

~ ONE ~
Nightmares and Dreamscapes

I am moving through the city, nostrils flared, seeking a phantom scent. I’m moving quickly, low to the ground, eyes scraping the landscape. I have a raging hard-on.

The moon is bright in the sky, the cityscape leached of all color and flooded with the watery silver glow of a full moon. My heart pounds in my chest. Muscles flex and release. Scents smell stronger, I can pick every detail out of the black and gray around me, and my skin prickles as a breeze passes gently by. Is this what it feels like for a tiger on the hunt? Glorious.
A musky sweet scent wafts by. My nostrils flare and my dick gives a painful throb in my pants. That’s what I’ve been seeking. The smell of blood, of heat, of sex. I turn down a dark alley in a dingy area of town. Garbage is piled on either side but the alluring scent thickens around me despite the stench.

I hear my name whispered, floating on the breeze, and feel warmth on my back. I stop, my body tense and waiting. I feel two hard points press painfully into my back, breaking the skin and digging into the tender bloody flesh beneath. Any other, any sane person, would have moved away from that stabbing pain but the pleasure it sparks in me is the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced. I press back hard, squirming with desire as the horns tear deeper into my flesh. Her scent envelopes me and I lose myself in its murky tendrils.

I feel teeth sinking deep into the flesh at the back of my neck, and I cannot wait any longer. I tear myself out of her grasp, her sharp breast-horns ripping through my flesh as I turn and I pant as another rush of desire flushes through me. I grab her shadow hips, lift her up off the ground, and ram her down on my cock, driving myself into her in a frenzy of passion as the first wave of orgasm begins sweeping me up.

I hear a distracting noise, as if someone is yelling at me from a great distance, trying to gain my attention. I turn away from the buzz and lose myself in passion.

It’s unlike anything I’ve felt before. Her shadowy form seems to physically occupy me, her warmness enveloping me in a way I can’t describe. It feels as if my entire body is pushing into her and pulling out with each thrust. And her scent…I have no idea what that smell is but I could retire rich in thirty seconds if I could capture it in a bottle. It was the smell of pure ecstasy.

She laughs at me as I come into her. Her head tilts back on a slender neck, the laughter echoing between the towering brick buildings and becoming lost in the garbage lining the alleyway. I yell out as I spill my seed in her and fall into blackness.

The distant yammering becomes unavoidable as the crashing waves of orgasm lose speed. I turn into the shadow woman looming above me, burying my face in her grayness, trying to hide from the annoying sound. But the fuzzy grayness begins to turn pink and the return of color jolts me out of my passion.

When I opened my eyes I saw Sophie looming above me, her eyes wide and wet from crying, and she is pushing against my chest frantically. The annoying sound coalesces into her voice, yelling at me to stop.

“Terryn, you’re hurting me. Get OFF me goddamn you!”

Shock rocks me to the core and in that moment of distraction Sophie give a strong shove and I feels myself tilting off her. I shift to catch my balance but she kicks at me, knocking me further off kilter and I crash to the floor.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Terryn? That hurt you asshole!”

Confusion roils around me. What was Sophie so pissed about? I realize she is naked on the bed and that I am too. The pieces fall together: the dream, the position I’d woken up in with Sophie. My stomach sinks in shame and dread.

“I… I’m sorry Soph. I was…” I look around the room trying to remember the dream and what had happened. “I was dreaming. I don’t remember-”

“Dreaming!” she said. “What kind of sick fucking dream is that Terryn? A dream that makes you rape your fucking girlfriend in your sleep? You sick fuck!”

“Jesus Christ Sophie, we were just having sex, you know – we do it several times a week, have been for years now!”

“Not like that Terryn. Never like that. That wasn’t sex. You were like an animal. You eyes looking at something not even in this world. I don’t think you even knew you were with me you asshole! And you hurt me.”

I could see it was true. She was holding her hand over her lower belly and her eyes held fear behind their mask of rage. She was on the far side of the bed, hunched against the edge, and she looked ready to run. Guilt overwhelmed him.

“Jesus Sophie. I’m sorry. I’m… I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was doing. I don’t remember the dream. I don’t know what happened but god dammit, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’d never hurt you, you know that.”

She relaxed slightly on the bed, her anger cooling somewhat. “You go sleep on the couch Terryn. I’m too freaked out to have you in here. And you are going to a therapist tomorrow and I’m not even kidding. You need to work this shit with your brother out, it’s making you crazy.”

“This has nothing to do with Blake, Sophie. I fucking hate it when you bring him in to every argument we have!”

“Well you’ve not been the same since… since he passed.” Her tone shifted from hard and biting to soft and gentle. “Things have been getting increasingly weird with you ever since. You know that Terryn.”

She moved across the bed and sat in front of him, clasping his hips in her hands, looking up at him. “I love you Terryn. I know you are suffering and I hat it. I wish I could help you in some way but I don’t know how. Please go see someone. Please. If not for you, for me. For us.”

She stood up and leaned into me, pressing her lips firmly into mine. Her breasts tickled my chest and I caught a waft of some scent, something like blood and pheromone and it was incredibly sexy. I felt a stirring of desire and a vague memory of something from the dream shifted somewhere in the dark recesses of my memory.

I looked down into her eyes, their beautiful blue shining with concern and love for him and his wellbeing. The scent brought to mind blood and pain and an urge that made me feel ashamed. I didn’t want her. Not this time. Maybe not ever again. My blood boiled at the thought of something far darker than what the two of them shared.

I sighed deeply, so tired of the struggle my life had become since Blake had died. Always trying to convince everyone I was fine, trying to convince Sophie I was fine. Trying to maintain some semblance of what they had before when the cold hard truth is that what we had was gone. That beautiful golden time died with Blake. I wanted to let the struggle go, to embrace this new darkness bubbling up inside myself. I just want to sink into the dark despair that’s been lurking at the edges of my reality since that phone call on a bright Tuesday afternoon.

“Please Terryn.”

I’d forgotten she was standing there, watching the thoughts flit across my face. What had she seen there? I flattened my lips in grim determination and then forced a smile. That cold empty smile that seemed to be the only one I could muster these days.

“OK baby. I’ll go. But I’m only doing it for you, girl.”

I’d loved her so much. So much I’d bought a ring. I’d wanted that white picket fence, a beautiful wife he adored and who adored him in return. Everything was going to be so perfect.

I softened into the memory, a shadowy flicker of the passion I’d once shared with Soph ignited in my chest. I climbed back onto the bed pulling Sophie along with me. Her hair hung down over her shoulders and I pushed it back from her face. “You are lucky I love you so damn much. You are such a pain in the ass.”

She laughed and pulled me into her. She pressed her lips to mine, her tongue darting in seeking my own. “That’s why we are so perfect for one another. Two pains in the ass. No one else could ever deal with either of us,” she said as she pulled back from the kiss.

Her voice was husky and low and her eyes reflected forgiveness I didn’t deserve and an offer I couldn’t take. Guilt twisted in my gut. If she had any idea the things I’d wanted to do to her just moments before I doubt she’d offer ever again.

I was disturbed at the desire I’d felt, at what I’d wanted to do. The thought of what I’d done to her while dreaming left a cold metallic fear at the back of my tongue. She deserved better from me. Deserved more than I could give her. She deserves the white picket fence but it is no longer a possibility for me. It was as if the vision, that dream, was being pulled abruptly away from me, like a fast zoom out in a film. All I could see of it now was a tiny white speck in the distance. That possible future died with the ring of a telephone.

I still love her, I want the best for her. I can’t drag her into the darkness with me. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “I’ll make an appointment tomorrow Soph. I’m sorry babe.” I got up to leave the room.

“You don’t need to leave Terryn. I was mad before, but I’m not now. Please stay with me.”

“Not tonight Sophie. I need to think about things. I’ll just be in the other room.”

I closed the door behind me and a moment later I could hear the sound of muffled sobs through the bedroom door. She knows I’m pulling away from her, and had been, since the fucked up events surrounding my brothers death. I hate it when she brings Blake into our arguments but in all honesty she has a reason to. This shit all started with him.

Blake’s death had brought a darkness into my life that I could not escape from. I was losing myself to self doubt, self hatred, and despair and there was nothing Sophie or I could do to stop this spiral.

I laid down on the couch, staring blankly up at the ceiling, remembering and thinking. The crying from the bedroom stopped and I shifted my gaze to the pictures scattered around the bookcase in the living room. The moon was just bright enough I could see smiling faces looking back at me. Sophie and I in London, in Rome, walking the maze in the Chartres Cathedral. That had been only two years ago but it felt an eternity. Lifetimes had passed since that happy day.

I felt a pressure on my chest. I can’t breathe. The house is heavy with expectation and disappointment and it is unbearable.


Sophie knew she was losing him and if it had been to some other woman or because he’d fallen out of love with her she could have dealt with it. But she was losing him to meaningless and underserved darkness and that reality drove her mad. He had always said the men in his family were cursed and this sentiment grew exponentially after Blake’s death.

She stuffed her face into her pillow as she sobbed out her anger and frustration. She sensed he was standing on some precipice. She was desperate to pull him back from the ledge but she didn’t know how.

She heard movement in the front room, and then the soft latch of the front door as he left the house. In the darkness of the room her eyes went flinty and resolve settled over her. She may lose Terryn, but she would not let him lose himself. Let him hate her, she could live with that, as long as he found his way through this. She’d do whatever it took to bring him back from whatever brink he stood on.


Machine God, by MeiLin Miranda

Machine GodWhat a fun concept! I love the melding of science and technology and magic and myth in Machine God, and MeiLin handles it with a well-crafted brush.  Her protagonist is wonderful, well fleshed, relatable, and elicits empathy and concern – I worried what happened to him and I felt every shred of pain in his deeply conflicted soul!  The plot is interesting and engaging.  The world she wove within the pages of this book is rich and deep and I look forward to spending more time there.

Another reviewer suggested this would be a great story for Studio Ghibli and I wholeheartedly agree!

Some of the other characters could have used a bit more depth, particularly the antagonist, whose final moments felt a bit rushed, but I definitely give Machine God a thumbs up!


And now for a short, but oh so wonderful, film about humans and machines. Or machines maybe more human than many people. *Hint* you might need a tissue.


Running Home, by Julie Hutchings

Running HomeI have two favorite things about Julie Hutchings’ novel Running Home.  First, I loved her characters.  She has crafted complex, fully formed characters that jump from the page.  By the end of the book you feel like you’ve actually met them – and may want to invite them over for dinner.

The second thing I love about this book is how she pulled the mythology of the Shinigami into the story, turning what could have been another tired vampire tale into something else entirely.  She turned the typical vampire trope on it’s head by imbuing them with god-like power over the fate and destiny of humanity.

I do feel the novel could have used some additional editing work.  The storytelling is strong, she has an excellent voice, but there were some editorial challenges that pulled me from the story in a few places.

Julie Hutchings is a master at creating scenery and settings that I felt I could walk through and touch.  I especially liked the scene at the lake, I felt like I’d been shrunk down and carefully placed into a snow-globe moment!  If you are a fan of paranormal romance I definitely recommend you add this to your list.

And now I leave you with a question:





If You Build It

So, I published a book.  Magicless officially became available earlier this month and so far the feedback I’ve gotten is quite good.  But this process has been quite an interesting one.  I never realized I could feel such a wide swing of emotion in such a short timespan!  Here is a gif of what my last few months have been like.

I finished the novel and my edits – Damn that feels good!

Then I shipped it off to my editor – no biggie, I got this.

And then I got the edits back.

Finally, the editing was complete and I had a polished manuscript!

Then… then… *lightning flashes, thunder rumbles, the earth shakes* It was available on all the major online retailers and I announced it to my friends and family.

I was sick to my stomach for days (still am). I might scream for no reason or laugh hysterically at random moments. My hands shook, my knees were weak… people could buy the book! Would they? Would they like it? Do I suck? Should I have done this? What have I done!

And then some reviews came in, and people loved it!



And Magicless started selling at a good clip.

Our minds make our fears much bigger than they really are. Go after your dreams people. It is worth every terrifying moment.


Summer Reading List

It took me well into Summer to finish up my winter reading list – one of the hazards of taking on a day job!  But I’ve finished the last book on that list and the last of the reviews will be out soon.  My summer reading list consists of books I’ve pulled from my Twitter peeps.  I’ve met some great writers over the last months and I am so excited to check out their writing!

  • Born of Water by Autumn M. Birt
  • Call of the Herald by Brian Rathbone
  • Jerebel by Rebecca A. Davis
  • Daughter of the Blood, by Anne Bishop
  • Melusine, by Sarah Monette

Happy reading!



Send Me Some More!

Let’s have some more fun today folks!  Send me the below items to win a free signed hard-cover first edition of Magicless!

  1. Send me a Rick Roll.
  2. Send me a pic of you putting your left hand in.
  3. Unicorns… GO!
  4. Send me the answer to the following question:  Who is Oona?
  5. Send me a My Little Pony meme.


Send information/images to @ScrivK on Twitter.  The person who sends me all five items first will win the signed first edition.  If we don’t make it all the way through the list the prize will go to whomever sends the most items.




Send Me!

Let’s have some fun this Thursday morning!  Send me as many of the below listed items as you can, as fast as you can, and I’ll give you a free autographed hardcover of my newly released novel Magicless!  Send them on Twitter (@ScrivK).

  1. Send me a picture or video of you doing a Loony-Gooney dance across the kitchen floor.
  2. Send me a snapshot of something silly you put into the world that was not there before (can be in the physical world or out onto the interwebs).
  3. Send me the answer to the question: How many Skeksies are there?
  4. Send me the location of Waldo.
  5. Send me a pic of what you are eating, and make it good!

The first person to send me all of these will win an autographed hardcover of Magicless.  If we don’t make it through the entire list the prize will go to the person who sends the most items.




Teaser Tuesday – Magicless Excerpt

Following is an excerpt from my debut novel Magicless, a story about a young man born without magic in a world filled with it, and a young woman with magic that pulls her inexorably into a dangerous and unpredictable future.


Her normally tall and rigid posture was bent as if she were carrying some great weight. Her face was streaked—clearly she had been crying again, and her voice was heavy with exhaustion. Tredon eyed her warily as she approached, but said nothing.

“Tredon may be brash, but he is right.” Her strident manner was muted, and Magicless felt a pulse of compassion for her despite her years of brusque dismissal of him. She carried the weight not only of her loss but the losses of all of Aclay on her shoulders, even though many had willingly supported her plan.

“We cannot continue to allow him to steal from us. We cannot continue to let him abuse us in such a way. We need to stop him. We need to protect our people.” She looked out at the crowd, pinning each and every person with her gaze as she spoke. More than a few squirmed as she turned her eyes upon them.

“Leali is right. His profound imbalance threatens everything. He must be stopped.”

Magicless’ jaw dropped in surprise as the rich, velvety tones of Alekka’s voice blanketed the room. She never spoke up in a group such as this. He was not the only one surprised. A soft murmur broke out in the room as they absorbed her words.

“But we cannot risk our villages anymore, Tredon.” She turned to look at him. “We cannot ask all the people of Aclay to pay for our actions. We go, but we go alone. And we go in search of the Bogul Noz.”




Some Fun Magicless Swag

Love the books and want to sport some Magicless gear?  We’ve got you covered!  Check out our selection of fun Magicless gear at the Bookish Swag link on this website, or you can go to the Bookish Swag site where you can customize the teeshirt to the color, size, and tee style you like best here:

Here are some of the fun things we’ve got available.  Remember, you can customize!

Gauche Tee

Gauche Tee

















Mages Still Bleed

Mages Still Bleed

















And for some absolute silliness:

Flip Flops!

Flip Flops!
















Have fun!



Magicless Inspired Artwork

Over the course of writing the book I had a couple pieces of artwork created in addition to the cover.  First, I created a character sketch of one of the characters from the book, Noz.  He is not a central character, but he plays a pretty important role within the book.



I also had an artist put together an image of one of the scenes from the book.  This was an early draft, if you look at the cover you can see the characters changed a bit.

Scene from Magicless

Scene from Magicless

Magicless is now available online through all major retailers.  The ebook is only available through Amazon.